No, Don't Make Me Debate!

No, Don't Make Me Debate!

Many of us find public or private speaking an unwanted task. Honestly, we can’t avoid it. We must be more mentally effective than pure positive thinking to achieve our goals. So, why not enjoy the ride? In speaking, we use of our emotional intelligence to remain authentic and emotionally connected. We understand that any debate will impact others with lifelong and meaningful insight. There are two types of debates 1) free and lively exchange of ideas 2) Aggressive confrontation of opposing views.  

Ten Rules to a debate

1.       You can’t avoid it

·         Don’t get mad or feel nervous

·         Embrace and enjoy it

·         If you are not enjoying it, you are not doing it right

2.       Frame (study) your opponent’s character

·         What do they believe 

·         Are they debating emotionally or logically

3.       Reframe the debate by uncovering the actual reality of the debate

·         Repeat what you heard

·         Ask them to repeat 

4.       Identify inconsistencies of your opponent's argument by learning their argument

5.       Make sure your opponent answers your questions by staying on the offensive

6.       Don’t get distracted

·          Often times, they will use an irrelevant topic to back off from the actual argument

7.       If you don’t know something admit it right away

·         Tell them you will research and get back to them

·          Most opponents don't have accurate facts or any facts 

8.       Don’t get sucked into the theory

·         You are arguing your own beliefs in your own position

·         You don’t have to defend another person’s belief/position if you don’t believe them

9.       Sometimes it is good to let your opponent have a meaningless victory because you will look sensible

·          Most opponents like to use terms that sounds nice or intelligent 

·         Ask them to define the terms with clarification because you are not dismissing them

¨         For example: Q “Do you like hope and change?” A “Sure, what are you talking about?” 

10.   Body language matters

·         Stand straight or lean in

·         Remain relaxed

·         Make eye contact

·         Listen actively