ADHD Relationships and Marriage, Pat I

   

ADHD Relationships and Marriage,

 Part I  

You are either married, dating someone with ADHD, or suspect your significant other has ADHD. You want to understand ADHD because it’s important to your relationship. I will explain the ADHD brain, medication, therapy, and how the behavior causes relationship problems. Part II, I will offer suggestions in building a healthy and happy partnership.

ADHD is a brain disorder with ongoing patterns of inattention, hyperactivity and impulsiveness, and it interferes with one’s ability to function socially, at school, or in a work. There is no cure for ADHD. The human brain has four lobes that make up the cortex of the brain.  This lobe is responsible for thinking, organizing, problem solving, memory, attention, and movement. ADHD involves the frontal lobe because the lobe has decreased activity. The prefrontal cortex of the frontal lobe helps the brain with stimulation, and to sort through and decide relevant information. For the ADHD person the prefrontal cortex is smaller causing certain behaviors. 

Medication increases the brain chemicals for thinking and attention; dopamine and norepinephrine. Behavioral therapy helps with daily behavior, such as: monitoring one’s behavior, controlling anger, reflect before action, organizing tasks, completing homework, and working through emotional events. Cognitive behavioral therapy teaches mindfulness techniques and meditation. A person learns to become aware and accept their thoughts and feelings by improved focus, concertation, and adjust to life changes. A good psychiatrist will teach stress management, routines, lists for different tasks and activities, reminder notes, assign certain areas for keys, bills, and paperwork, and help break down large tasks for easier management. Without these learned behavioral habits a person will struggle socially, at school or work, and with their relationships.

As a diagnosed ADHDer, I can say, it is easy to understand the feelings from both sides, and how these feelings can contribute to the destruction of the relationship. ADHD can cause problems, damage or destroy their closest relationships. For those, who are diagnosed ADHD and receive therapy and medication, we understand the “why” and “how” of our actions. We can use the tools given to us to manage our ADHD. For those, not diagnosed ADHD, they are not able to communicate or understand what is happening.

It isn’t your partner’s intention to make you feel this way. A non-ADHD partner feels lonely, unappreciated, and ignored. They find themselves complaining and nagging about the constant issues in the relationship. The ADHD partner feels judged, misunderstood, constantly criticized, micromanaged, defensive and pulls away.